


It took me a while to get here (but here I am)

by MsJackofAllFandoms



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Bad science disguised as flirting, Blushing, Brian May is a good friend, Friendship, Hugging, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One Night Stands, Pining, Platonic Brian May/Roger Taylor, Repression, john is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21877879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsJackofAllFandoms/pseuds/MsJackofAllFandoms
Summary: First Queen fic. Originally started off about 3 weeks ago as a 5+1 thing but it kind of changed from that to a flow of mini scenes.Roger's been having a series of one night stands as he tries to wash away pining for Freddie. He's not really happy about it, and Brian knows something is up, but it takes a bit for Roger to open up.
Relationships: Freddie Mercury/Original Male Characters (implied only), Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, Roger Taylor/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	It took me a while to get here (but here I am)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not the best at tags so please let me know if there's anything you think should be added, and let me know if i've made any glaring mistakes.  
> No beta read, but I am british.

Roger gives a quick wave goodbye to yet another young woman leaving the flat before 9am of a Sunday morning, and his smile drops as soon as he closes the door. He feels exhaustion from every bone in his body and the hangover he pretended he didn’t have if front of… Sherry? Sheila? Sharon?? Some name beginning with S, is running through his body like uneasy waves of the sea. He was only vaguely grateful the flat door opened out to a dull corridor and not the outside of the building, he wouldn’t have survived the bright sunshine if that had been the case.

He rested his head against the cool wood of the door. Suddenly, her name came to him. Sara, without the H. He remembered her giggling it to him by the bar.

“You alright there?” Brian’s voice came from somewhere behind him.

“Urnnnnh” Was the only reply Roger could manage. He turned, and not looking up, barely squinting at the badly worn carpet, he made his way back to his bedroom. He had more sleeping to do.

QQQ

Another Sunday, another girl. Rachel this time. _Homely_ his mother would have described her. “Don’t normally do things like this” she’d said. He’d heard it before, but he believed this girl, this time. Not as hungover as he usually was, he at least managed a bit of a proper conversation with her before she left.

“I probably won’t see you again, will I?”

They were stood outside the building as she waited for a taxi. Her dark brown hair was gently fluttering in the morning breeze. The road they lived on could be a bit of a wind trap, it could play havoc with his own hair on bad days.

He shook his head, then shrugged, he could be honest in that respects at least. She’d been honest to him, after all. “You might, if you come around to another one of our gigs.”

She shrugged back. “Maybe if you’re ever in Milton Keynes, I will do. I’ll parade you in front of Steve.”

Steve, the ex-boyfriend. The reason she was in London in the first place, the reason why she was up for a bit of fun with, well, a perfect stranger. She wasn’t exactly a fan, they’d just been at the same place at the same time and both single. All part of the trials and tribulations of breaking up with your first boyfriend, Roger supposed.

The taxi arrived and she got in, refusing his offer to pay for the cab. It made a change. She gave a small wave, he waved back and went back inside. By the time he was back inside the flat, door closed behind him, a cup of coffee and a bemused looking Brian was waiting for him at the kitchen table.

“Nobody else up yet?” Roger asked, stalling the inevitable as long as possible.

Brian shook his head, “John’s still in bed, but as far as I know, Freddie didn’t make it back last night. Must have gone with that new friend of his.”

The coffee suddenly tasted a bit bitter in his mouth, and Roger struggled to swallow it down. “Oh right.”

“Look-“ Brian started, and Roger pushed his chair back – roughly – it squeaked on the floor and, well, Roger wasn’t badly hungover but his body still wasn’t exactly happy with him. The noise hit a nerve somewhere above his eye.

“I’m going back to bed for a few hours.”

“Roger-“

He was already turned to leave, and said “Thanks for the coffee. You’re a good mate.” It wasn’t a cowardly retreat, it was… a conveniently timed intermission of conversation. He didn’t need Brian lecturing him and god only knows what direction the conversation would go after Brian had been _watching him closely_ over the last few months.

A sickly feeling unrelated to the hangover washed over him… Brian couldn’t _know,_ could he?

He groaned, got into bed, pulled his duvet over his head and went back to sleep.

QQQ

It was Monday, this time. They’d had a Sunday gig, not something they normally liked doing but hey, a paying gig was a paying gig. Her name was Liza – ‘It’s spelt with a Z but it rhymes with Theresa”, she’d said. He wondered why girls did that so often. He didn’t need to spell their names to say them whilst they were in bed. She had luscious chocolate brown hair and very long legs.

They’d agreed to set his alarm clock for 6am so she could get up in time to go back home before going to work, but she woke him up before the alarm even went off.

“Sorry,” She’d whispered sheepishly, fastening her skirt up. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’alright” he managed to mumble. She was but a blur but he knew someone dressing when he heard it.

“I’m gonna go early.”

He sat up and wiped sleep out of his eyes and patted his hair down because he knew it would be a state after that night, and in his defence, he was vain. He didn’t want sober Liza to remember him as the guy she shagged that woke up with a bird’s nest for hair. He had a reputation to think about.

“Do you need money for a taxi?” he asked, whispering also in the dark room, the sun wasn’t even up yet.

She came closer, and he could see her better. “No,” she said, smiling down at him, “I’ve got it, thanks. You go back to sleep? We’ll talk again soon.” Liza, to Roger’s surprise, did not sound sincere in the slightest.

She picked up her handbag from where it was dropped by the door, and left with a quick goodbye, and then he heard the quiet but obvious sound of the flat door opening and closing behind her.

Huh. Was this how they felt when he’d done that to them??

He flopped back down on the bed, good mood from last night all vanished, turned to face the wall with the duvet right up to his nose and went back to sleep. He’d deny it later but there were flashes of luscious dark hair in his dream… he wasn’t entirely sure it belonged to Liza.

QQQ

It was some hours later, after he’d been awake properly a couple of hours and even managed to make himself and subsequently wolf down a full English breakfast, when Brian started pottering about with intent. Roger was in the living room, John was out with Veronica and Freddie was out in general. Roger wasn’t sure where Freddie was, if he was being honest, because Freddie didn’t come back to the flat the night before.

“Hey, can we, er, can we talk?” Brian asked, his quiet voice breaking through the monotony of whatever rubbish Roger was failing to pay attention to on the television.

Roger couldn’t think of an excuse not to, and he had no way to make a smooth ~~escape~~ – ~~retreat~~ – conveniently timed reprieve from the conversation without Brian making a big deal of it, so he nodded, suddenly feeling stiff and on edge. He suddenly couldn’t tear his eyes away from the television.

Brian sat down beside him on the couch, “I’m worried about you”.

Roger remained staring at the television.

“I’ve noticed lately that “ Brian continued, surprisingly gently considering his already soft voice “your one night stands hold a certain… pattern to them.”

Roger stood up with the aim to make a quick retreat. “They all know what they’re getting in to, Brian, if that’s what you’re worried about.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. Except for the girls who had thought he’d meant it when he’d said he’d call them, that he’d see them again soon. Okay he could be a bit of an arsehole, but he hadn’t had many of nights and mornings after like that since sometime after Sylvie… And the less he thought about how it ended with Sylvie, the better. “And they have a bloody good time and all.”

Brian scoffed. Roger, now by the door of the living room, looked at Brian for a second before looking away, but it was long enough to see a bit of colour in the taller man’s face. “Yeah that wasn’t what I was getting at, Rog.”

The thing is, Roger knew what Brian was getting at and he didn’t want him to actually get there, so he refused to take the bait in asking Brian what he _was_ getting at, but he didn’t want to make it look like he was running off, so he was just stuck standing awkwardly by the living room door.

If Brian was one of the predators from one of those documentaries they loved watching whilst drunk, Roger thought, then all he needed to do was stand completely still until Brian went away; But Brian wasn’t a predator like from one of those documentaries, life wasn’t that easy for Roger.

“I think we can both agree you get drunk and attach yourself to the nearest girl anytime Freddie hangs out with one of his new _friends._ “ Brian said, and there was a tone to it Roger couldn’t place.

Roger felt like a bulb in a power surge, explosive and too visible all of a sudden. “Are you accusing me of being homophobic?” He was honestly taken aback at the direction this conversation had apparently turned.

Brian shook his head and looked sadly at Roger. “No, of course not. That thought never even crossed my mind.”

There was still something to the way Brian spoke, and now it made Roger feel like he’d fallen into a trap, and his face flushed hot, but he was no longer feeling stuck on the spot so he did the best thing he could think of. He scoffed at Brian and stormed into his room, slamming the door behind him.

There, he thought, that was the end of _that_ conversation.

He lied down on his bed and faced the wall, on top of the duvet for a change. They needed washing, he just hadn’t got around to stripping his bed and putting in the laundry yet, and now he didn’t feel inclined to at all.

Five minutes passed, ten, fifteen. Roger’s heart beat had returned to normal when there was a knock on his door. He hadn’t heard the front door to the flat open, and neither John or Freddie had shouted out to announce they were home, so it had to be Brian.

His body tensed up. He refused to turn away from the wall and didn’t acknowledge the other man as his bedroom door opened. Brian didn’t come in, though, he just stayed by the half-open door on the outside of the threshold.

Non-threatening, was what came to Roger’s mind. Brian had not assumed he was welcome in his space, which he figured was good because he bloody well wasn’t.

“Roger?” He asked, and Roger just knew Brian knew he was awake. Not that he’d been pretending to be asleep anyway, just very much ignoring his presence. “Will you listen to me for just a minute? Please?”

Maybe it was out of respect for their friendship, or the very fact Brian had hardly ever asked him to do anything over the years of that friendship, but something compelled him to nod. It was stiff, his body had not relaxed again, but it got the message across.

“We've known each other for years,” Brian started, “And we've never actually talked about this, because, well, it's never been an issue for either of us, but I'm just going to say this, it's up to you what you do with it okay?” Brian waited for a reply, but Roger didn’t give him one.

Brian continued on as if he had, “I know your Dad gave you a hard time and that's going to leave it's mark and you've had other comments along the way, but I'm saying this as a friend who loves you and wants you to be happy, if that happiness is with a man-“

Roger’s neck snapped around so quickly it could have hurt him. “Oh fuck off-“

Brian talked over the outburst, “And if that's with a man or a woman, it is okay either way.” At those words, Roger turned to face the wall again.

How _dare_ he… 

“You know it's okay,” Brian continued again, “Because you've said as much to Freddie. We just want you to be happy, Rog, and all these one night stands with women...” Brian paused, and Roger risked a small glance at him over his shoulder. They made eye contact for the split second before Roger turned back to face the wall. “I don’t think- They're not making you happy. So maybe think of why that might be, and whatever conclusion you come to is okay. And I'll tell you that every single day if I have to. And if you want to pretend we never had this conversation, then that's okay too.” Brian took a long, loud breath in and then breathed it out again, “But I think we both know why the current formula isn't working. And that's okay, no matter what your Dad or anyone else has told you..”

‘fucking formula.... science nerd’ Roger thought bitterly. And then the weight of Brian’s words really hit him. His eyes suddenly stung and the wall in front of him became blurry.

Roger heard the click of the door as Brian closed it gently, leaving Roger alone in his room with his thoughts. He let the tears fall but tried to muffle the sniffling lest Brian come back in and make things even worse.

QQQ  
  


Five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes passed. He could breathe easier, the tears had stopped, and his face had cooled down, but a weight had formed in his stomach. He couldn’t stand leaving the conversation like that with Brian. With a show of strength which came from somewhere he wasn’t sure of, he forced himself out of bed and out of his room.

He could hear Brian pottering around in the kitchen, it was late afternoon by this point, just a bit too early for dinner, and when his friend and bandmate was finally in view, he saw Brian making himself a cup of tea. 

“Bri...” He said, before he could chicken out and just turn back around. He hated how his voice cracked, and how weak it sounded. The other man turned around, his face kind, open and waiting to for him to continue. “I just... Don't want to prove them right all along. I can't- I can't let them win.” He suddenly found the kitchen’s lino fascinating. He heard the cupboard being open, another cup being placed on the counter and the telltale sound of boiling water being poured from the kettle.

“Forcing yourself to be miserable is letting them win.” Brian replied, speaking evenly as he put two spoonfuls of sugar and a splash of milk. “If _they_ only see the world one way, letting them keep that world as they like it, is letting them win.” 

Brian placed the cups on the kitchen table and took the seat opposite the seat nearest Roger, and Roger took it for the it was. He let the warmth of the drink sink in as he slowly drank it, and Brian just sat there in quiet contemplation, just letting him.

He sometimes felt he didn’t deserve him for the good friend he was.

“I'm really sorry” He said, finally looking at the other man.

Brian was visibly taken aback by Roger’s apology, with his head whipping to him quickly and mouth opening in uncontained shock “What on earth are you sorry for?”

“I've been really horrible to you over the last few weeks.”

Brian scoffed, but smiled anyway. “Hell it's nothing I'm not used to by now, Roger.”

“Fuck off.”

“See?” Brian asked, his eyes twinkling “Nothing I've not heard before.”

Roger let the new easiness of the atmosphere wash over him. He finished the last few mouthfuls of his cup of tea before placing it on the table.

“I'm not like Freddie...” he started, but was staring into the mug. “I mean i- “ i am, he was going to say, but it felt too... open. He felt his face flush and the words rushed out of them to explain to Brian “I mean- wait- he…” He stopped, took a deep breath in and continued. “He seems to thrive off it, even if it's an act and I can't... I'm not... I can't put myself out there like he can. Not with this.”

He flickered his eyes up long enough to see Brian shrug as they made split second eye contact again. “Okay, so take your time. All you have to do is remember that whatever you are is okay.”

Roger wasn’t quite sure about that... but maybe this was a start.

They stayed in the kitchen together, not talking, until a key unlocked the front door and Freddie sauntered in, asking if anyone else as home. Brian shouted the affirmative and gathered up the cups to wash them out whilst Roger pulled himself together. 

Freddie started talking a mile a minute about someone new he met who knew people in a fabric wholesalers and he had ideas. Roger and Brian shared a look, because they both new what Freddie was like when he had ideas involving fabrics.

If maybe there was a deeper understanding in that look that wasn’t there before - or maybe there was but Roger hadn’t let himself see it - it was between just him and Brian for now.

QQQ  
  


Another Saturday night hook up, another sunday morning goodbye, this one with a rather stocky girl called Imogen. Not his usual type but they’d got into a bit of an argument between finishing up drinks and helping Brian load the van on the way out and, well, one thing led to another...

“Bass notes travel further than high notes, it’s just a fact!” She’d said.

“They travel the same distance, they’re both sound” He’d replied, and he was confident even though he hadn’t a clue whether he was right or not. It felt like he was right.

He couldn’t remember how they got into it in the first place but he thinks it had something to do with his vocal range.

“Sound with different densities!” She’d said. After that his memory became a bit fuzzy, but evidently it had led to getting cosy...

Her strawberry blonde hair caught the sunlight as she left. They parted on more amicable terms than they’d met. But, he felt empty inside. Sighing, he headed back to the flat and straight into the bathroom to have a bath. Maybe if he lied in there long enough, he thought, he’d wash away the noise in his brain. Strawberry blonde hair and an adorable slight overbite clashed in his mind with luscious dark hair and a shy smile.

 _Not_ Liza's.

That Sunday night found him and Brian were yet again the only occupants of the flat. Freddie was at his parents house and John was at Veronica’s parents for a sunday roast.

Brian was in the living room, on the couch. The television was on but Brian was reading instead. He sometimes did that when he was between shows he wanted to watch.

Roger shuffled in and sat heavily down on the couch next to him. Brian looked up from his book for a second to acknoweldge him then went back to reading.

Roger felt the urge to speak boil up on him harder than he ever had before. Before he could really think it through he blurted out, “I am a bit like Freddie.”

Brian stopped reading and looked at him, “Remember what I said last month? That’s okay. It was then and it still is, Roger.”

“And I’m in love with him” he braced himself for Brian’s reply, even though he suspected the guiatarist already knew that.

As if he wasn’t surprised, Brian nodded. “And that’s okay too. Are you going to tell him?”

Unable to speak anymore, he shook his head and turned to television.

Brian sighed, “Well, okay. Are you okay?”

Roger shrugged. The man on the film that was on the television seemed to be drilling into the floor of a safe and it didn’t interest him in the slightest.

He felt Brian put his arm around him and Roger went with it. It wasn’t the first time, and it probably wouldn’t be the last he lolled all over his friend as they sat side by side on the couch.

Brian’s book was left ignored on the coffee table as they waited for the film to end.

QQQ  
  


_Three months later_  
  


Brian was smirking at him from the doorway of the sound booth. “You’re all flustered.”

Roger scowled at him, feeling his face get hotter. “Shut up.”

Brian did not shut up. Brian, in fact, took a step into the room. “Roger Taylor, infamous sex addict drummer of a famous rock and roll band, all flustered over a little kiss on the cheek.”

“Fuck _off_ , Brian!” He turned away, trying to find something to busy himself with. The problem of being done for the day, though, meant there was nothing for him to busy himself with. Freddie had left, hence the goodbye kiss, and Brian was given the task of locking up and driving them both home.

Talking of Brian… When did his awkward gangly friend get the upper hand in these situations? Roger didn’t know, he just needed equilibrium to be restored before Brian got too comfortable.

“C’mere.”, Brian said, walking right up to him with his arms stretching out.

Roger found himself reeling back a bit, “You’re not gonna kiss me too, are you?”

Brian shook his head with a laugh, “Oh no, that’s Freddie’s territory now.” Yep his tall friend was enjoying this far too much. But then Roger saw his friend turn serious, and he allowed himself to be pulled into a hug. “Just. This is good. You being happy. Was worried for a while there I’d never see it again.”

To his own embarrassment, he felt himself getting choked up at that. It was just so _Brian_. Swallowing the lump down, he forced out the words “Oh don’t get sappy, Brian” and patted his friend and bandmate on the back, needing to get a hold of this situation before things got even worse.

The friendly hug came to a natural end, and Brian pulled away first. “Come on, we’d best be off. Don’t want you to be late for your big first date tonight, after all.”

Brian steered them out of the studio and turned to lock the door.

He smiled at the word. A Date. With Freddie. He wasn’t blushing at the idea, it was just a bit warm in the main corridor of the studio.

He caught the soft smile Brian was giving him out the corner of his eye as the tall man turned back around.

“Oh fuck _off_ Brian,” he threw over his shoulder as he stomped off. He carried on going as he heard his friend laugh.


End file.
